Why do bad things happen to good people?

My doctor sent me a book called "When Bad Thing Happen to Good People" by Harold S. Kushner.  Kushner is a rabbi with a son with a degenerative disease who would die young.  He wrote the book to try to help good people who encounter bad things try to make some sense of it all.

The book has somewhat of a religious bent but it is also philosophical and I'm finding it helpful to read a little every now and than.  I'm one of those people who do not follow any organized religion but I consider myself spiritual in that I feel a connection to others and  I think there is something more to us than just our physical bodies.

Throughout my life, I mostly followed the train of thought that if I lead a good life and treat others with kindness and respect and that if I take care of my physical body, that the fruits of my efforts should pay off in some way.  Until I got hPOTS, I believed that I had more control over my destiny than I actually do.

I have come to believe in more randomness and that bad things just happen sometimes and they can happen to people who are good.  And the converse is also true; I have experienced this year watching a very bad person have very good things happen to him.  Life isn't fair and balanced but I admit I have spent some time since becoming ill asking "WHY ME??".   What did I do to deserve THIS?  And the answer I have come up with is...NOTHING.  I did nothing to deserve this.  And many other people who are suffering and have suffered, some much greater suffering than this, also did not deserve what happened to them. 

So why be good then?

This is something I have asked myself repeatedly.  I even sometimes joke with friends that instead of leading such a good life, that I should have been drinking and smoking and cheating and lying all along and maybe I would be healthy and wealthy instead of sick and not wealthy.  :-)  

For me, it comes down to this:   I have to be true to myself.   And that means that I think we should all try to be the best we can be.  I think we should treat our bodies well.  We should be kind to others.  I believe in the power of thankfulness both for what I have and for what others do for me.   And I still believe that good trumps evil.  It may not manifest itself in material wealth, material comfort, or good health, but spiritually in my book, good is better than bad.  I cannot be bad or hurt others just because choosing good does not guarantee some sort of "payback" of goodness.

It has taken a long time but I have learned that being angry about having hPOTS and asking why this happened is not helping me.   This sucks to be sure and a lot of bad things that have happened to others people sucks.  But if I spend the rest of my days living in anger, then I am wasting my life.  Anger is such a destructive and difficult emotion.  I don't want to spend my limited energy asking why any more.  I will do what I have always done; continue to treat my body well and to treat others well, to be thankful every day for all that I have, and to focus what energy I do have on positive endeavors. 

I haven't finished the Rabbi's book yet so I don't know if he will ultimately tell me the answer in the end.  I hope that if you are reading this blog that you didn't expect that I had the answer.  I can only say that I am beginning to find peace within myself somehow and my hope is that this may help my recovery in some way.  Perhaps if my spirit heals then my body will follow. 

Stay tuned...