Giving Thanks

All I want to do in this post is give thanks to a few folks who have helped me get through the past year and half. 

My most sincere and heartfelt thanks to:

• My awesome husband, who has stood by my side and has taken care of things too numerous to post here, and who tells me I will get better in my worst moments.
• My mom, who stayed with me when my husband was out of town, who brings me food, and who has helped take care of me at a time when I should be taking care of her.
• My dad, who wants me to get well, who always asks how I'm doing when I call, and who shares sometimes the bad luck that seems to follow me. (I think it is hereditary!)
• My brother and his wife who came when I called, who check on me, and who have given me my nephew.
• My friends who have never wavered in their support, who send cards and emails, who check up on me, and tell me it will be better some day. 
• My cousins, who send me cards and call, who help take care of my mom, and who are always there. 
•  My mother-in-law, who always asks about me in the midst of her own troubles, and my father-in-law, who is in much worse health than I am and who shares "war stories" with me. 
•  My sister in law, who has sent me emails of support.
• And my three sweet, funny, and sometimes annoying cats, who have always been there (not that they had a choice!) when I was lonely or down or sick.  :-)

I love you all and I am so determined to get better so that I can stop being a burden and become the person who is there for all of you.  You have all uplifted me and given me hope in the worst of times this year.

Writing about you has reminded me that although I have a disabling illness, I also am a very lucky woman indeed. 

Thank you from the bottom of my dysautonomial but very grateful heart.  :-) 

And a very heartfelt wish for a good Thanksgiving and good health to anyone who is reading.  If you are sick or alone on the holidays, remember that you aren't alone in your experience.  The day will pass and with tomorrow, there is always hope for a better day in some way. 

Singing the hyperadrenergic pots blues

ba da ba da bum
I get up and fall down
ba da ba da bum
I go back to bed
ba da ba da bum
The room's spinning madly
ba da ba da bum
WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY HEAD??

ba da ba da bum
So I went to my doctor
ba da ba da bum
He said "I know what you gots!"
ba da ba da bum
"Your brain just isn't working"
ba da ba da bum
"You have hyperadrenergic POTS!"

Refrain:
Oh I got the hPOTS blues da dum da dum
Oh yeah, I got the postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome blues.  da dum da dum
I'm sick all the time
I can't hardly rhyme!
I want to do more
But my brain's acting poor!
Oh yeah, I got the postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome blues. 

One more verse:
ba da ba da bum
I need to eat breakfast
ba da ba da bum
My cats need to be fed
ba da ba da bum
I drag my butt to the kitchen
ba da ba da bum
And then go right back to bed!

Refrain

This is a really silly posting I know.  But sometimes when all else fails, you just have to laugh or do something absurd. :-)

Please add your own POTS blues verse to the comments if you have one!

My report card this week: 4 D's

Depression, Despair, Down-in-the-dumps, and Dizzy. 

That pretty much sums up the past three days for me.  After weeks of feeling some recovery and feeling stronger, I got knocked back big time and had what I call a POTS "attack".  For me, this is where my blood pressure races out of control and I lose all strength in my body so I can't stand or function.  And recovery is slow...sometimes weeks, days at a minimum.  I spent 48 hours bedridden, barely able to get up to do the basic things like eating and going to the bathroom this past weekend.

I think what set it off for me was four stressful events:  having to get out of the house to visit someone (which I wanted to do but any external event causes me extreme stress since I don't know what my body will do), having a stressful event at work, having an argument with someone close to me, and having visitors to the house for the first time in a year.  All of this occurred within a period of a week and half.  It turned out to me too much for me and I was reminded that although I'm getting better, that things are still pretty fragile. 

Homeostasis.  As defined by wikipedia:  "In simple terms, it is basically a process in which the body's internal environment is kept stable."  

I want homeostasis for my body.  I want to live a normal life again.  I'm so tired of having to muster every bit of mental and physical strength just to do something simple like leave the house. 

But I don't have a choice in that matter right now so I am once again resorting to every last mental and physical trick to try to recover and get sort of back in the saddle.  I have learned that I need to continue to be careful and that recovery will be slow.  But I was getting better and I believe I will continue to do so.  It was just a couple steps back this weekend after several steps foward, that's all.  At least that is what I'm telling myself.  :-)  And yes, I can still smile, at least on my blog and in real life also.  :-) 

If you are reading this, I am asking something of you this time.  Please wish me strength.  I believe there is power in collective thinking.  Please send me good "vibes" and thoughts of health and strength.  I will do the same for you.