My report card this week: 4 D's

Depression, Despair, Down-in-the-dumps, and Dizzy. 

That pretty much sums up the past three days for me.  After weeks of feeling some recovery and feeling stronger, I got knocked back big time and had what I call a POTS "attack".  For me, this is where my blood pressure races out of control and I lose all strength in my body so I can't stand or function.  And recovery is slow...sometimes weeks, days at a minimum.  I spent 48 hours bedridden, barely able to get up to do the basic things like eating and going to the bathroom this past weekend.

I think what set it off for me was four stressful events:  having to get out of the house to visit someone (which I wanted to do but any external event causes me extreme stress since I don't know what my body will do), having a stressful event at work, having an argument with someone close to me, and having visitors to the house for the first time in a year.  All of this occurred within a period of a week and half.  It turned out to me too much for me and I was reminded that although I'm getting better, that things are still pretty fragile. 

Homeostasis.  As defined by wikipedia:  "In simple terms, it is basically a process in which the body's internal environment is kept stable."  

I want homeostasis for my body.  I want to live a normal life again.  I'm so tired of having to muster every bit of mental and physical strength just to do something simple like leave the house. 

But I don't have a choice in that matter right now so I am once again resorting to every last mental and physical trick to try to recover and get sort of back in the saddle.  I have learned that I need to continue to be careful and that recovery will be slow.  But I was getting better and I believe I will continue to do so.  It was just a couple steps back this weekend after several steps foward, that's all.  At least that is what I'm telling myself.  :-)  And yes, I can still smile, at least on my blog and in real life also.  :-) 

If you are reading this, I am asking something of you this time.  Please wish me strength.  I believe there is power in collective thinking.  Please send me good "vibes" and thoughts of health and strength.  I will do the same for you.